On Sunday while Issy was with her dad, me and Andy decided we'd take Daisie to the park rather than spending another day indoors.
We planned to grab a portion of chips and enjoy them at the park we often visit but it's got to be one of the most boring parks around for things for Daisie to do especially when she doesn't have her sister to play with as half of it me or Andy couldn't get on and play with her even if we wanted to, After seeing just how much she wasn't able to get stuck in and her wandering over and saying she had no friends to play with we decided we'd head to asda and grab a loaf of bread and head to the main park in our area with a boating lake and took a little walk over there.
Busy just didn't cover it there was a sandpit and water part somewhere amongst the many many people usually a situation that makes me want to run in the other direction and get myself home away from the business but that feeling just didn't come.
I ordered us some chips, while waiting for our chips to arrive a little family beside us were having a bit of trouble with their little one being bored while waiting for their food order and I could see how hot and flustered they were getting so before we left I popped over and told them they were doing fine and we all have days like that. After we had finished our chips we planned to hit the park once we were finished but since Andy's bike accident he's been very anxious and I could see in his face how much the idea bothered him, he said he didn't feel he could go in so we settled for feeding the ducks some more finishing off our loaf of bread and walked round the boating lake taking in the sights as we went along before we headed home.
Daisie was more than happy with what she had got up to already but there was a small park on route to home so we also stopped in there for a little bit while Daisie and daddy got stuck in on the round about.
Usually the idea of even entering a park is my idea of hell and the feeling of dread just consumes me but I managed 3 parks without once feeling like I had to get myself home, my breathing didn't once get unsteady, my knees didn't go weak and my throat didn't feel like it was slowly closing.
Not only that before having CBT therapy I would only have dreamt of talking to people I didn't know, I would have thought plenty of what I would say if I had the courage to but I did it!! My words didn't come out as clear or exact words as I had planned but I gave them some reassurance. I know all to well what its like to have a little one that won't cooperate and have what seems like the world watching and judging you so I just had to say something before we left, So they didn't feel judged by us and felt like they were in fact still human.
Have some of that anxiety!
I've found my wings and I'm finally flying enjoying the little things in life again without having you control every aspect of my life.